


We're Fading

by YourEyesHoldTheGalaxy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Coma, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, M/M, sounds dark really isnt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 15:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8584543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourEyesHoldTheGalaxy/pseuds/YourEyesHoldTheGalaxy
Summary: Description: “’I want to tell I still love you. I still think about you every day, I still think about every day.’ He whispers through his tears. The hospital was alive around him, but it all was silent, like he muted the world, closed off from reality. He heard nurses and phones and lifts dinging around him. He breathed in and held it for a bit, calming him slightly.”





	

 

 

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“Maybe it was for the better.” He sighed out, wiping away a stray tear. “Maybe this is all we were meant to be.” He whispered to himself, chuckling darkly at his words. “If you could hear me you’d say it was cheesy, me talking like this.” Phil picked his head up out of his hands, glancing around his surroundings, taking in the white beige type walls, the smell of cleaner and bleach filling his nose.

“I thought it was going to get easier.” He whispered once again letting his tears out. His mind raced back to the event that changed his life forever, the day that everything started running backwards. “Do you remember the time when w-we made snow angles?” He smiled fondly at the memory, feeling a pang of sadness that it may never happen again.

“You looked over at me and said that my eyes we-ere shining, and I-I said that they were full of love.” He took a second to laugh, “You did that cute little chuckle where your eye shut, and you called me a turnip.” He sighed and paused for a while, the only sound to be heard was the rustling of leaves in the tree through the small open window, and the beeping of the machines around him, somehow making him feel worse and better at the same time.

“I’m sorry you might never get the happy ending you deserved, and I’m sorry that I got angry that day.” He said once the silence got overwhelming, his words cut through the air like a knife. He took a deep breathe that was much needed, trying to steady his mind and breathing. His throat was closing slightly, but he continued none the less. “I didn’t mean what I said even though it probably sounded like it. I-I was ju-just scared, I didn’t mean it I really didn’t. I should have followed you, I shouldn’t have said the things I did, but I can’t take them back no matter what an-an-and that-that hurts…” He trails off for a moment, collecting his thoughts once again.

“It hurts to know that you think I’m angry at you when I’m not and I don’t want you to go, I’m so sorry, I wish it was me in your place. I never meant to hurt you, ever. Not in any capacity. How would I, why would I, I-I still love you.” He broke down, letting his tears cascade down his cheeks, soaking his shirt in seconds. “I want to tell I still love you. I still think about you every day, I still think about every day.” He whispers through his tears. The hospital was alive around him, but it all was silent, like he muted the world, closed off from reality. He heard nurses and phones and lifts dinging around him. He breathed in and held it for a bit, calming him slightly.

“I’m scared Dan, my memories of us are fading already and I don’t want them too. The house doesn’t feel right without you, I can’t even turn on my computer without feeling something missing. I miss you so much that it hurts.” Phil smiled darkly at how cheesy this all seemed, saying it hurt to miss someone right in front of him, breathing and surviving. “It’s supposed to get better but it’s not, it’s getting worse.” Phil stated returning to the grim reality of the situation and the remorse and pain and sadness he feels, and has felt for far too long. His tears start a new cycle, falling from his eyes once again, rolling over the dried one.

 “I’m tired of crying, I can’t even stop right now. I just want you to be okay, Dan.” He sobs out trying hard to control himself. “I feel so guilty. What if you don’t make it, what if you die, that’s on me.” He pauses and shakes his head, sitting up and then leaning his head on the back of the uncomfortable hospital chair. “That’d be on me.” He repeats as if this was a new idea that he couldn’t wrap his head around.

 “And I couldn’t live with the fact that I could be responsible for killing you. How could I live with myself? I can’t even talk to anyone. I can’t be the sunshine that you always saw me as. I’m giving up Dan. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t do it, I can’t do it, what if I forget you?” He sobs, making the words barely able to be understood. “I don’t want to forget you! I don’t want to forget you, I am so so so in love with you, and I’m scared that you won’t make it. I can’t be brave anymore, I can barely function without you.” He breathed out slouching once more to where his head was laid in his hands that were laid in the space between his legs at his knees.

“Everyone always said how they thought it’d be you to feel like this. Dan, what am I going to do? This wasn’t meant to happen, I still wake up and go looking for you, thinking it was all a dream, but it never is. I just want to wake up from this hell that holds me.” He breaks for what feels like the last time, sobbing, losing control of himself. He’s a mess, not being able to put on the act of being fine any longer. He loses himself, let’s go of his façade. Breaking for the final time in front of his love, his life. He whispers repeatedly, “I just wanna wake up, I just wanna wake up, please, please, I just wanna wake up.”

After what seems like an eternity, Dan’s machine beeps, loudly, repeatedly, without pause. A commotion occurred at the nursing station as they flooded in through the previously closed door. Phil stood and stepped backwards, as he watched in horror as a flood of nurse surrounded his Dan. He registered a nurse tugging on his arm, directing him out. And as if his mouth moved on its own he kept asking what was happening and if Dan was alright. He heard the response, but couldn’t process it as he slid down the hallway wall.

“Maybe.”

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After a while, nurses slowly flowed out of the room, tending to others in need. As the last nurse left, she shook a sleeping Phil awake kneeling down to be level with him.

“Hello, Sir?” She spoke softly as Phil stirred and sat up, rubbing his eyes, trying to get the sleep out of them. She smiled softly as Phil came to his senses.

“Wha-Oh my god.” He stated realizing his surroundings. “What’s happened? Is he alright? Is he okay? When can I see him?” He fired the questions as if they would turn sour in his mouth if he didn’t get it out fast enough.

“He’s awake sir, he’s asking for you, I suppose you’re Phil correct?” She asked softly, smiling as she and Phil stood. “I’m warning you though, we aren’t sure how long he’ll stay awake for, he’s been under for a while.” She stated, patting Phil on the back and opening the door to Dan’s room, smiling once Phil was in before shutting it. Phil stood directly behind the closed door, staring at a Dan that appeared to be dazed and out of it, even though his eyes were desperately trying to focus on Phil’s person.

“Hi, Uh Dan, how you feeling?” Phil asked lowly as he slowly approached Dan, who was following him with his eyes.

“Fine.” Dan replied shortly, finally meeting Phil’s eyes, and Dan looked at Phil in wonder and Phil began to realize that Dan was looking him as if he didn’t remember who he was, or barely did.

“Do you remember where you are Dan?” Phil asked lightly, watching as he scuffs and rolls his eyes at my comment.

“Yes, I’m at the hospital.” Phil nods and Dan giggles a little, then he continues to list things about him off the top of his head. “My name is Daniel James Howell and I have one brother. I am 19 years old and I live with my parents. I’m going to uni soon at Manchester University and-” He trails off as he sees Phil’s horror filled face. “What?” He asked slightly concerned he said the wrong thing, in which he had, but he doesn’t realize _why_ it was wrong.

“Dan, what year is it?” Phil asked slightly hoping he was joking around with him and would drop his act and laugh it off.

“2010.” He stated as if it was a matter of fact. Phil didn’t know how to react and he just stared at his boyfriend feeling the panic start to set in, Dan appeared to be fine and continued on. “They told me I was in London, why are we in London Phil?” He asked with a childish glow in his face.

“Dan, what is your relationship to me?” Phil ask wanting to see if he would at least answer that correctly. He turned a deep red shade at his question.

“Um, I’m not, a really sure, I mean we are like best friends but, you know, stuff has happened and-” He noticed the darker haired boy’s face fall at his answer. Phil’s mind raced to piece together the information he just received, realizing slowly that it must be early 2010 for light haired man laid in the hospital bed, however it was late 2015. Phil’s mind was going to mush, slowly coming into a panic, realizing the past five years, the good and bad times never happened to the boy in front of him. Phil thought of how to explain five years of their shared life to a boy that barely had seen him in HD.

“Dan, Dan, you-you’re scaring me Dan.” Phil stutters out. “Bear, it’s November of the year 2016, we lived together and we have been dating for almost seven years, Bear, honey please tell me you now that.” Phil pleads with him only to realize that Dan was now staring at him blankly. Phil’s panic was setting in he couldn’t breathe, this was all too much. _Dan doesn’t remember me._  Phil’s brain stated loud in his ears on repeat, tossing in he’s forgotten about the life you built together and other horrible things all while Dan began to freak out. Phil knows he should probably get a nurse and tell them what’s going on but, he can’t move he’s paralyzed in fear. He can’t move, not only because of his fear, but he can’t when he looks into his bear’s eyes that seem to scream that his mind is broken and lost, all clouded and cloaked in dust. The panic sets in several of Dan’s machines start to go off, beeping just like they had before, this time louder due to the panic Phil was in, it now felt deafening. Phil starts to not be able to breathe as he hears the nurses rush down the hall. His throat feels like it closing, his whole body feeling like it is shutting off, his lungs becoming useless, he can’t seem to catch his breath. His eyes seem to be going next, with his vision slipping in and out, only being able to see Dan trying desperately to catch his breath, his own chest rising a falling rapidly. Suddenly Phil is hitting the ground with a hard but softened blow to the floor. 

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Phil takes a deep breath in as he comes to. He blinks into the darkness, his eyes quickly adjusting to his surroundings. He’s at home, in bed. His heart rate slows down, quickly realizing it was just a horrible dream. He looks down to see his bear wrapped into his arms, clinging onto him tightly. Phil fights the smile that tugs at his lips, making him sigh as his heart rate returns to normal. Dan stirs in his arms, scrunching his face and peeking his eyes open at Phil, yawning as he leans away from Phil’s chest.

“Why are we up?” He says into his yawn. “It’s like five o’clock in the morning.” He moans burying his head back into Phil’s neck, breathing his hot breath onto it. Phil kissed the top of Dan’s head, and then placed his chin on the top of Dan’s head, closing his eyes, falling back into sleep, only just replying to him before they both were lost into a world of now happy dreams.

“Just had a nightmare, but now I know you’re here, you’ll scare them all away,” He paused barely getting out the next three words.

“We won’t fade.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Comments and kudos are very much appreciated!


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